Expatriate community: What do a life jacket and the Maastricht International Playgroup have in common?
Your partner comes home and tells you: “It’s official, we are transferring.” The “we” includes himself, yourself, and your nearly-there-but-not-quite-crawling child. This occurs as you have finally overcome those post-natal “baby blues” sufficiently that you don’t have a panic attack every time you leave the house.
You and your child’s social calendar looks positively gregarious at this time: Tuesday afternoons Parent/Child Contact Education Programme run by the local Red Cross, Wednesday morning breastfeeding meeting at the nearby birth centre, Thursday afternoons social with a few other parents either at home or in the park, and Friday early evening swimming lessons. That small network of normalcy, a raft of stability in these uncharted, tumultuous waters called parenting, is about to capsize. Sounds familiar?
For many expatriate parents, several of whom are already seasoned “livers abroad” before the arrival of “the apple of their eye”, the upheaval presents an entirely new set of challenges. Quite often there will not be family around to call upon for advice, support or simply just “holding the baby” in the host country. A new language often needs to be learned, if one is to have any hope of integration. Medical and educational systems are different, especially in the context of how and which services are provided for families with children.
Familiar faces, friendships cultivated through the shared experiences of learning how to hold a breastfeeding baby, juggle eldest child after-school soccer practice with youngest child afternoon nap, cope with in-laws’ voices of experience, and handle a spouse’ sudden departure on a business trip, become distant memories.
The reality in your new home in Maastricht, the Netherlands, is a pile of boxes to be unpacked in rooms of doll-house size proportions, a partner absent on a daily basis adjusting to a new office, and a demanding baby.
Two days after arrival the gas hotwater system refuses to furnish hot water and the service provider doesn’t work weekends. You have no telephone, no internet access for a month, no mobile telephone until your bank account is set up, no satellite dish, no delivery of your customary print magazines, and you aren’t near a bus-stop. A bike might be a solution, if you had the Dutch version: think of the push-bike on which the postman used to creak around delivering mail, rather than a prebaby state-of-the-art hybrid racer.
To some, a vista of opportunity. To others, a disaster. It takes time to understand and navigate a new bureaucracy, orient oneself in a new city, experience those chance encounters that lead to, if not life-saving, then at least sanity-saving, introductions. And meanwhile, baby goes from not yet crawling to wanting to walk single-handedly up those precarious Dutch contraptions that are supposed to function as stairs.
“Playgroup was my life-saver!”
Sandra Eckstein, from Germany, mother to Paul (2) and Max (5 months) and recently appointed chair of the volunteers’ committee of the Maastricht International Playgroup, describes how she stumbled serendipitously on what became for her, as for other members, much needed social contact with international and Dutch parents sharing similar circumstances, concerns and experiences: “I had looked and asked around for a baby/toddler Playgroup for almost five months without success. 
I was so disappointed – it was really hard to meet people here and I felt my son Paul also needed playmates. Finally, via the local Groene Kruis (i.e. the state-run health service), I heard of the “Music Lessons for Toddlers” programme. It was there that I met Otilia (from Portugal), who knew Sophia (also Portuguese), whom she had met at the Maastricht International Playgroup. My first visit, together with Otilia, was in October last year, and I have been an ardent member and supporter of the Playgroup ever since.”
Joanne Milton, British mother of Zoe (5) and Sophie (3), recalls joining the Playgroup via the International Womens’ Club of South Limburg because she thought (mistakenly) membership there was a prerequisite to gaining admittance to Playgroup: “Playgroup was my life-saver! We moved here in 2001 with first daughter Zoe (then six months old), I had given up work to become a full-time mum, and was totally derailed by the change. 
By three months into our stay I was going out of my mind. Yet again internet surfing one day I found the IWC site - the rest is history. I started to make new friends and develop a social life for myself. It is thanks to all the mums at Playgroup that I learnt how to cope with being a full-time stay-at-home parent and enjoy it.”
Sandra echoes Joanne: “I am a socially active person - I missed social contact most when we moved here. Playgroup has been a terrific avenue to meet other parents, exchange ideas, and learn about different cultures. Everyone is open to meeting people and sharing their special experiences - Playgroup parents all have diverse backgrounds and are familiar with life abroad. After one year I feel socially integrated - this summer we even hosted what would be at home our usual garden party and both Dutch neighbours and our Playgroup members came. I couldn’t have imagined this last year.”
Angelo, American-Italian father to Cecilia (3) and husband of Dutch wife Ingrid, travels often during the week but is a regular at the activities planned for families on weekends. “It’s great to meet other parents, and I find the spontaneity of the group refreshing. At a craft afternoon recently, the six couples, of Dutch, US, German, Australian, and Portuguese origin, hit on the idea of a Parents’ Night Out at one of my favourite Maastricht cafés. I love it!”
Klaas-Peter, Dutch dad to Niklaas (2) and husband to US-born Lynn, agrees: “We moved back to Holland from the States via Germany and I am not originally from this area, so we hardly knew anyone. We’ve been to summer barbeques hosted by Playgroup parents and next weekend most of the couples coming to our wine-tasting are from Playgroup - just as well our Dutch babysitter speaks three languages!”
Both Sandra and Joanne are big fans of the Halloween and Christmas parties, the baby showers and flea markets held biannually, and in particular, the monthly Mums’ Night Out, organised by the Playgroup. They also like the weekly Coffee/Activity mornings, in addition to the Playgroup’s official Wednesday morning meeting, because they encourage closer friendships. 
Members, whose nationalities encompass EU member states, and the US and Asia-Pacific regions, especially appreciate being able to keep up with each other’s news via Smaller Talk, the weekly newsletter, which details organised and informal events, suggestions for family outings, tips on what to do and where to go in Maastricht, recipes, interesting articles relating to parenting, as well as births and birthday announcements.
Benefits for children
Joanne and Sandra are enthusiastic about Playgroup’s many benefits for their children. Sandra says Paul, interested from a very early age in other children, has learned as a result of participating in Playgroup to share, to say “no”, and to apologise when his behaviour causes another child pain.
Joanne says Zoe responded well to the early stimulus of other children, learning valuable social skills that have readied Zoe for pre-school and later primary school. Joanne is convinced regular attendance up to ages three of the Playgroup played a key role in both Zoe’s and Sophie’s social development. These refrains are repeated by the other members of the Playgroup.
The Playgroup’s extensive toy collection is a big winner with all the children, regardless of age. Children make their first social contacts at Playgroup, become attached to each other, and go on to attend the international pre-school most often in the same familiar company. Parents continue to socialise outside of Playgroup meetings, or catch up with each other on a regular basis when collecting children from pre-school.
Life for expecting, part or full-time stay-at-home parents, doesn’t have to go belly-up with a move. At least not to Maastricht.
Whether you are fresh on the Limburg scene or drowning, not waving, in a sea of isolation, visit www.maastrichtinternationalplaygroup.org or call either Sandra on +31 641635690 or Gina on +31 6 55534181. It may just be the best decision you’ll make for you and your children while here.
By Gina Wuppermann
Gina Wuppermann, of mixed European and Australian origin, lives in Maastricht with her German husband and two year old daughter. She is the editor of Smaller Talk, the playgroup’s weekly newsletter and also maintains the playgroup’s website.
Update January 2007:
The group’s population can be described ‘floating’, as kids move on and go to school and families relocate. They often don’t travel too far from Maastricht, and as there aren’t really alternatives around for an international community it certainly makes sense for a lot of expat parents to travel up to our group every week.
For instance, some of the playgroup’s members are also from Belgium, to the south and west of Maastricht, mostly from the areas around Lanaken, Maasmechelen, Tongeren and Visé – between Maastricht and Liège - and also from German towns such as Aachen.
At the beginning of 2007, the playgroup moved to bigger premises in the central Maastricht area, in the vicinity of Heer. Along with the parents, organisers are thrilled with the new venue, which is light and airy, with a floor padded with mats to break the fall of little ones taking their first steps. Plus an outdoor playground is a stone’s throw from the building and the parking nearby is free.
